


Nothing Will Change That

by ellerean



Category: Free!
Genre: Coming Out, Femslash February, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-26
Updated: 2014-02-26
Packaged: 2018-01-13 21:28:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1241374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellerean/pseuds/ellerean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was always around her. Ran had grown accustomed to seeing gay couples—at least, that of her big brother's friends—but to accept it of yourself was quite a different matter. Especially when her schoolmates spoke against it, and more so when she felt ready to share.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing Will Change That

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not 100% sure this even _counts_ for Femslash February, since there's no actual relationship, but self-acceptance and familial love are so, so important.

The air felt like water, the humidity of summer like swimming on dry land. Ran flopped to the couch with a popsicle, tugging the sticky fabric of her skirt away from her thighs. For once, she resented her twin brother—Ren could run around in his underwear for all their parents cared, but her? It was “inappropriate” to wear only a training bra and pajama shorts, the kind that covered just as much skin as her brother’s trunks did.

Ran leaned back over the arm of the couch, staring at the ceiling as she pressed the popsicle to her lips. All the _other_ girls in her class could wear season-appropriate clothes, in their short skirts and camisoles that revealed more skin than she was allowed to even at home.

But there was one upside to the day, and it wasn’t the sweltering heat or the freezer full of frozen treats—big brother was coming home from university.

She’d been counting down _all week_. Makoto didn’t make a lot of noise when he was home, but the house still felt quiet without him. Sometimes she’d sit on his bed, remembering all the times she and Ren would pounce on him to wake him up. Or she’d spot Haru walking home, and it still felt weird that big brother wasn’t right beside him.

Sometimes she and Ren would visit Haru, though he wasn’t home a lot. He took the train into the city for his classes, and when he wasn’t at school he’d travel with Rin for his Olympics training.

Her ears perked when the front door rattled open.

“Onii-chan!”

She didn’t care about the sweat beading down her back as she ran for the door, her twin materializing beside her as they latched onto Makoto. He hadn’t even dropped his bag yet and he stumbled, backing into the doorframe with a laugh.

Being thirteen meant she’d stored her childish things away. It meant she had a new wardrobe, one she picked out herself. But she reverted to her former self when Makoto came home, trailing him around the house as she sucked on her popsicle. She and Ren fought over who he’d carry—because he _could_ still pick them up, even if not both at the same time—and they crowded beside him on the couch as he talked to their parents. Ran looped her arm through Makoto’s as he updated them all on school, their clammy skin sticking together.

Makoto said that Haru, too, would be home that night. It seemed strange to her that they talked during the school year, while her brother was far away—that Haru would sit in his house atop the hill, still as close to Makoto as ever when even _she_ didn’t talk to him every day.

After dinner and another round of popsicles, the twins continued to hover. Makoto's bedroom door was ajar after his shower, their usual sign that it was okay to come in. He was sitting cross-legged on his bed with his laptop as they scrambled up.

“Not too close,” he said with a smile. The heat had subsided with the sunset, but the humidity still hung like a fog.

“What are you doing?” Ren asked, craning his neck around the laptop.

“Just checking Rin’s blog.” Rin updated the world on his training, and they waited for the moment he was officially part of Japan’s swim team. Haru made the occasional post, too, but it was seldom. Ran liked seeing him in the background of photos, and sometimes there were pictures of them together. Rin made no secret about them dating— _I don’t want our relationship to be a scandal later_ , he’d once written. _It’s stupid. Pay attention to my swimming and not who I'm sleeping with._

Makoto glanced out the window. He still had permanent radar on Haru—when Ran peered outside there he was, walking with Rin. She’d grown so used to seeing them in photos now that it was weird to see them in person, holding hands as they climbed the steps.

“It’s really late,” Makoto said, looking at his watch. “I hope everything is okay.”

“They _look_ okay,” Ren said, having squeezed beside his sister. Ran squinted in the darkness. It was always hard to tell if Haru was smiling, but Rin’s brilliance was unmistakable even in the dim lighting. He kissed Haru’s cheek as they rounded the corner, disappearing from sight.

“Onii-chan,” she said cautiously, sitting back down. “Can I ask you something?”

Makoto closed the laptop. “Of course. What is it?”

Ren settled on Makoto’s other side, curiously watching. It was the downfall of being a twin, of having someone who could feel your inner turmoil. She sensed Ren’s suspicion, this new emotion that she hadn’t shared with him. “A girl at school said it’s wrong for boys to be together.”

Makoto’s face betrayed little of his reaction. His eyes widened slightly as he leaned back against the headboard. “Some people believe that,” he admitted.

Ren piped up. “That’s stupid.”

Makoto didn’t protest when Ran slid the computer off his lap. She opened it up, staring at the homepage of Rin’s blog. There hadn’t been a new update since she’d checked that morning. She scrolled through the image gallery. A lot of the photos were of Rin swimming—she guessed Haru had taken those—but she looked specifically for the ones of them together, selfies taken at restaurants or the rare photo of them both in swimsuits. Her heart fluttered when she found one of her favorites: they sat at the edge of the pool, legs linked beneath the water. Rin animatedly talked to someone off-camera, Haru’s eyes shining as he watched him. Like their love was accepted, like they hadn’t already received backlash for being out. Ran sighed.

 _This isn’t about me_ , Haru had once written on the blog. _The Olympics are Rin’s dream. I’m here to support him._

“Do you like girls or boys?” Ren asked suddenly.

Ran quickly looked up. Makoto didn’t seemed alarmed—he stroked the top of Ren’s head, like he’d wanted to ruffle his hair but changed his mind. “I like girls,” he said, “but it doesn’t matter either way.”

Ran wanted to go back to the blog, but Makoto was nudging them off the bed. It had been a long day; he was tired from the long trip home. Ren hugged Makoto before jumping off but Ran hesitated, slowly closing the laptop and staring at Haru’s house from the window.

“Ran?” Makoto said. “Is everything all right?”

“Hmm? Yes, onii-chan.” She flashed him a wide smile. “I’m really glad you’re home.”

He kissed her forehead before shooing her away, grabbing his laptop before she skittered off.

It wasn’t unusual that the twins had Haru’s number in their cell phones. It was one of their parents requirements—not only were they to keep every family member’s number but Haru’s, too. Ran curled into bed, staring at his name in her contacts. She’d only texted him a couple times when she first got the phone, quickly learning that he was really bad at replying—if he did at all. It wouldn’t be weird to text him now, especially knowing he was at home. But Rin was there, too. They were probably busy.

She shut down the phone and threw off her blanket, hoping the night air would cool so she could sleep. She could hear Ren moving around his room across the hall and the click of Makoto’s door as it closed, and the comfort of having everyone together was better than the prospect of a comfortable night’s sleep.

But she still didn’t sleep well. Ren poked his head into the room before breakfast, but she’d turned toward the wall pretending to sleep. It felt _wrong_ to ignore her twin, but she was exhausted and her stomach too knotted to enjoy breakfast. She knew her parents were in the kitchen, and Ren was now headed in that direction, so the running faucet in the bathroom had to be Makoto. She lied back, waiting for the water to shut off, then counted to ten before slinking out of bed.

When she peered into the hallway Makoto was heading toward his room, wearing only a pair of sleep shorts. _Not fair_ , she thought, picking at the hem of her camisole.

But he stopped at the threshold, like he sensed her presence. Her heart started to beat like mad. “Ran?” he said. “Why don’t you come in.”

 She shuffled her bare feet on the hardwood floor and sneaked into Makoto’s room. There wasn’t anything secretive about it, but hanging out with her big brother without Ren felt _wrong_. She closed the door, even though he didn’t ask.

Ran stared as his back as he opened a dresser drawer. Makoto’s muscles were still well-defined, and she knew all the girls found him cute. The last time he was home he’d brought the twins shopping, and there had been no shortage of girls—and some boys—doing a double-take.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked, as he pulled on a T-shirt.

She stared at her feet.

“Is this about what you asked last night?”

Makoto sat on the bed and patted the mattress beside him. She swallowed hard and nodded, acting like the child she felt as she sat down. His arm instantly went around her shoulders.

He never pressed either of them—when they wanted to say something they _would_ , and big brother was patient to a fault. She swung her legs, her feet barely brushing the floor. She looked up, catching the affection and concern in his eyes, and she loved him _so_ much, trusted him more than anyone else.

“I . . .” The strength she needed was in her brother’s eyes, shining so bright in the early-morning sun. “I think I like girls,” she whispered.

She waited for his surprise, for _anything_ , but he only continued to smile. His arm tightened around her and she fell into him, hiding her face in his chest. Firm, comforting. No wonder the girls liked him.

Makoto kissed the top of her head. “That’s okay,” he whispered.

“I haven’t told Ren,” she admitted.

Ran was glad not to be looking at his face then, but she still sensed his surprise.

“I love you,” Makoto said, lifting her chin up. “You know nothing will change that.”

She nodded. “I— I knew you wouldn’t care, because Haru—”

“Do you want to talk to him?”

She _loved_ her big brother, and she loved her family, but she didn’t want to talk to them. She wanted to talk to someone who _got it_ , and she’d been reading Rin’s blog for so long that the answer was obvious. She didn’t know Rin well enough, but Haru . . . he was like family, and she nodded despite herself. Makoto promised to talk to him and she was _so glad_ , so relieved for someone to _know_ , and she had to hold back tears when Makoto said they should get breakfast.

Haru was busy that day, and it felt like the next would never come. Makoto had asked Rin to lunch, intent on catching up, leaving Haru alone for when Ran was ready to visit. But Ren posed more of a problem. Big brother regretted that he couldn’t bring Ren with him—it would look weird—and Ran was having a hard time convincing her twin to let her go by herself.

“But _why_?” he whined, standing in the foyer as she strapped on her sandals.

“Because I want to _talk_ to him,” she said, fighting to keep the annoyance from her voice.

Ren crossed his arms and pouted. “You’ve been acting weird lately. What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing,” she said, her heart pounding. He frowned and stomped toward the living room, and the guilt swirled in her chest like a fog. She ran up to Haru’s house, knowing Ren watched from the window.

 _I can’t tell Ren yet_ , she thought, ringing Haru’s doorbell. _Not until I’ve figured everything out._

He answered immediately. “Ran,” he said. “Hi.”

His house had hardly changed since she was a kid. Haru had laid out lunch, a platter of mackerel with rice and a pot of barley tea. Even though she accepted a plate and a cup of tea, she couldn’t eat yet. The fish looked delicious, though—they didn’t eat mackerel a lot at home, and Haru was a really good cook. The oscillating fan rotated across the table, ruffling her hair as she held her teacup in both hands.

It was nice spending time with Haru; he never forced conversation. He was happy simply to have company while he ate, though she knew he watched her. The cold tea calmed her heightened nerves.

“It’s okay,” Haru said, reaching across the table to grasp her forearm. She hadn't even realized her hands shaking so bad that her tea splashed over the table.

“Oh! I’m so sorry!”

“It’s just tea,” he said, soaking up the drops with a towel.

She quickly nodded, carefully setting down the cup to pick up her chopsticks. Haru sat back, taking up his own teacup.

“Onii-chan spoke to you,” she started, staring down at her mackerel. “I— I don’t really know what to say.”

Haru smiled slightly. “I’m glad you wanted to talk to me. But I don’t know how to help.”

“Huh? What do you mean?” She nibbled on her fish, thinking of the blog, of Rin’s public declaration . . .

“I’m not the best example,” he admitted. “I’ve only liked one person, and now we’re dating.”

“But . . .” She slowly chewed her food before swallowing. “Was it weird, when you knew you liked him? Wasn’t anyone upset about it?”

He poked his food with his chopsticks. “Yeah . . . my parents.”

She’d never heard Haru talk so much at once. He shared everything, in between eating—how he and Rin got together, how his parents found out. How he’d spend a month at the Matsuoka’s house when his parents didn’t agree.

“It was dramatic,” he said with a small laugh. “But it was high school. My parents, though . . . they came around eventually.” When Ran didn’t respond he added, “Don’t worry about yours. They’re . . . not like mine.”

“I haven’t told Ren,” she said quietly.

Haru lifted the teapot. But he only studied it, tracing the handle with his thumb. “You should. When you’re ready.”

Ran wanted to hear everything. She wanted stories of their dates, of their friends, of their travels. It wasn’t any different than she’d imagined—like her friends, she dreamed of dates and romantic getaways, too—and she smiled and laughed along as Haru shared, wanting to hear more of Rin’s antics. How he spent extra money on a balcony room in Kyoto just to overlook the cherry blossoms. How they’d exchanged promise rings by candlelight. How Rin would feed him at restaurants just to make the other patrons uncomfortable.

“Why would they . . .” She trailed off.

“Hmm?”

Ran shook her head. “Never mind. Tell me something else!”

 _Why would they be uncomfortable?_ she’d almost asked, forgetting that the relationship was taboo. Forgetting that not everyone wanted to hear of their love, disbelieving that it was love at all. Haru was telling her about the high school relay—a story she’d heard so many times, but never from Haru’s perspective—and it made her angry, knowing there were so many people against it. Knowing that she, too, would experience the same disapproval.

“Ran?”

Her teacup clattered to the table, spilling its remaining contents. She covered her face with both hands, feeling the sting behind her eyes.

Haru was beside her instantly, but it was a moment before his arm went around her. She wouldn’t allow the tears to fall but she collapsed against his side, taking deep breaths like Makoto had taught when she was upset. Just the thought of her big brother helped.

 _I love you,_ he’d said. _You know nothing will change that._

“They’ll be back soon,” Haru said, and Ran nodded as she rubbing her eyes. He pulled away to look down at her face. “Are you okay?”

“I will be,” she said, and it was the most honest answer she could provide.

They finished lunch mostly in silence. When Makoto and Rin came in, complaining of the heat, Haru poured them both tea. Makoto gratefully accepted, but Rin first stepped right up to Ran and opened his arms wide.

“C’mere,” he said, and she scrambled up to accept his hug. He was warm from the noonday sun, too hot even in his thin T-shirt, but still she nuzzled against him. His heartbeat was solid and steady, his arms firm around her.

“Fuck them all,” he said.

Makoto choked on his tea.

Rin stood up straight and held Ran by the shoulders. “You tell me if anyone messes with you. You’ve got my number, right?” She shook her head. “Here, give me your phone.”

When she handed it over, Rin took no time punching in his number. “There,” he said. Ran glanced at her new contact: _Rin nii-san_. The stinging sensation returned to her eyes.

Ran had always known a silent, indifferent Haru, but now he lifted his head to Rin, waiting for the kiss on his lips. Rin knelt beside him, hugging Haru like they’d been apart for years, not hours. And she loved to hear Rin talk—he was excitable over everything, even the experience of eating lunch out with her big brother. Makoto was watching them, too, wearing a small smile, before he turned to her. “Ready to go?”

She hugged them both before leaving. Haru stiffened slightly, awkwardly patting her head as she held on. Rin left a wet kiss on her cheek, making her squeal and wipe the mess on her sleeve.

“Keep in touch, kid,” he said, lightly punching her shoulder.

She held Makoto’s hand on the way home, not caring that she should be too old for it. They slowly walked down the steps, his sweaty palm engulfing her small one as they breathed in the hot summer air.

“Thanks, onii-chan,” she said, as they approached the door.

“Hmm?” He stopped walking. “For what?”

Ran looked up at Haru’s house. It was hard to tell, but she thought she saw shadows pass by an upper window. She turned back to hug Makoto, like she did was she was young. Back then it had been whatever she could reach—his legs, his hips—but she’d grown taller, and she could reach all the way around his torso. “I’m so happy there are people like you.” She squeezed tighter. “And Rin and Haru nii-san.”

But Ren was still pouting when they went inside. He was curled in the corner of the couch, leaned over his handheld video game, not even bothering to look up.

Makoto silently crept upstairs. Ran sat on the other side of the couch, watching her twin, waiting for him to look up.

“Ren . . .”

He jammed his thumbs into his DS.

“Ren, look at me.”

“What, you’re going to tell me what’s up? Why you’re keeping secrets with onii-chan?”

“It’s not . . .” She sighed and slid over.

“Lemme beat this boss first.”

She watched her brother, watched the slight tic of his lip as he mashed the buttons. He didn’t protest when she brushed the hair from his eyes, but he didn’t look at her, either.

“There,” he said, shutting down the system.

She looked away.

 _When you’re ready_ , Haru had said. She swallowed.

“Ren, I— there’s something I want to tell you, but it’s hard.”

His scowl vanished. He sat up, crossing his legs so he could lean closer. Ran twisted her hands in her lap but he took them, holding firm, and she knew he sensed how much she tried to contain her trembling. The floor creaked upstairs but it was just Makoto; their parents weren’t home.

Ran stared at their entwined fingers. “I’m gay,” she whispered.

He didn’t say anything. He didn’t even move. It felt weird to say the words out loud. With Makoto she’d simply specified her preferred gender—it felt like the easy way out—and it hadn’t been necessary to say anything at all to Haru. It was fitting, though, that Ren be the first to hear it, the first whose reply she waited for, seeking his ultimate approval.

Slowly, Ren tilted her chin up. And he was _smiling_. Oh, it felt like forever since she’d seen him smile. He chuckled lightly, leaning in until their foreheads touched.

“That’s it?” he said, pulling her into a hug. “Ran, I don’t care about that. I don’t care.” She rested her chin on his shoulder, closing her eyes as he stroked her back. He always knew what she needed—her _twin_ , her other half. His chin settled on her shoulder, too, a mirror image. Their breathing matched; their heartbeats matched; they leaned in at the same time, holding around the other’s waist.

“So,” he said, rocking her slightly, “are there any hot chicks in your class?”

“Ren!” She sat up, laughing as she swiped at the corner of her eye.

“Hey, this could work for us! If you find a cute girl who’s straight, you send her my way. I’ll do the same for you.”

“You’re an idiot.”

But he grinned, jumping from the couch and taking her hand, no pretext, like he always had before. “Come on, let’s see if onii-chan will take us to the beach.” Ran allowed him to pull her up, stumbling upstairs toward Makoto’s room. When they entered he spun around in his desk chair, unprepared for the onslaught of limbs as they climbed into his lap.

“You guys are way too big for this,” he said, laughing like the years hadn’t passed, as if nothing had changed at all.

**Author's Note:**

> Cookies for everyone who picked up the references to several of my other fics :)
> 
> ([Here](http://trapsandpecs.tumblr.com/post/77937046210) on tumblr.)


End file.
